March 10, 2009

"Brother"

So, I looked it up in Websters and all I got was "Kinsman". Checked the Thesaurus thought it would give me some great compare words,  no help there either. That's it. Nothing to be found about friend who is trustworthy, won't tell mom on you when you deserve to be tattled on, confidant, babysitter, chauffeur, someone who tells you you look skinny, available 24/7, someone who loves ice cream as much as you do, collector of rubber bands, saver of Christmas peppermint sticks, lover of Garfield, Calvin and Hobbes, Sunday funnies and Archies. Someone who loved his family so much he was glad he was the one who was sick so we wouldn't have to endure the physical pain that he endured the last half of his life. Friend to everyone who knew him, one of the few people you could truly say, "to know him was to love him". He really was everyone's friend....young and old alike. I was hoping to find all that summed up in one word b/c that's what kind of brother Jimmy was to me. 9 years ago on Feb 27th he died. This was the first year I didn't get to go to Jimmy's grave on the day he died. ( I was out of town). 
 My earliest memories were of him fixing my hair and putting every single barrette and hair bow that I owned in my hair. I remember him and a friend picking me up at school in a limo for my 14th birthday. I remember being 12 and being on the school bus and slapping a 16 yr old across the face b/c he called Jimmy "no-neck". I remember he and Bert getting into an argument the night I got engaged. I remember him crying at my wedding.  I remember he and Tyler lying in his hospital bed eating pop-tarts and watching Camelot. I remember sitting by his bedside one time when he was really sick and singing songs and he waking up and telling my what a beautiful voice I had(he had to have been heavily sedated). I remember him coming to Americus, Ga and staying with me for a month at a time and helping me when my boys were just babies and I had EG on the way and Bert was working crazy hours. Oh yes, we fought, argued did all those things siblings do and I have so many things I would give anything to be able to do over. I wish I could have made it to Tn to be w/ him more. He was so lonely when he was confined to his bed and couldn't get up anymore, couldn't leave his room. I wish so bad he could have seen my kids grow up and meet our sweet Sophie. I wish he would have been able to find the love of his life and live happily ever after. I wish he would have been physically whole here on earth. 
 Finally, my last and most favorite memory of my sweet brother is one that the nurses who were w/ him when he died told...they said as he was passing they felt a presence in the room and felt like they needed to take their shoes off b/c it felt like they were standing on holy ground.    That might not mean much to you but I know it was b/c his heavenly escort was there to take him home to be w/ the Lord, and that he finally had his ultimate healing.

16 comments:

Amber said...

Wow..that makes me cry. I wish I had known Jimmy more. =(

Melody said...

Ok, I am for real crying over here! I wish that I would have known Jimmy better. He was older than me....and at that time we weren't in the same "circle" much. I do remeber him always cracking jokes and/or making fun of something. So sweet that he went to help you with the boys...and that he loved your singing. Those are such precious memories.

The Wisener's said...

I know there is not anything you could add to what you wrote...I just want you to know, I am glad he has rec'd his wholeness.
Prayers for your family as you remember and miss him.
Much love to you all~Kimi

Ashley said...

Tina!! I don't think I can blame the tears flowing down my face on the pregnancy...that was so sweet. I miss Jimmy too (not as much as you I'm sure) but he was an amazing guy friend! When Butch and I were just courting he had come over to my house and he evidently had seen the big picture I had of Jimmy in my room with a vase of dried roses from his funeral next to it. He was asking me who he was...and to this day I still talk about Jimmy to Butch. He is the only guy I can get away with talking about! There are so many things to remember about him. You know he would be proud of your family and your most recent addition - Sophie. I'm just glad he's whole and without pain in Heaven, dancing on the Streets of Gold. He will always be remembered..

Josh and Tiff said...

I never had the pleasure to meet Jimmy, but have heard WONDERFUL things about him always! You have me in tears over here with chills all over my arms. I am sooo sorry for your loss, but I rejoice with you while thinking how Jimmy is now perfect and at peace with God!

Tina said...

Thank you guys for saying those sweet things. I was trying to sleep last night and I couldn't b/c I kept thinking about him. (something I really do try hard not to do at night time)Well, then I decided I would write about him. I have wanted to put something on the blog for a while but I just couldn't. When I woke up this morning, I was like "oh no, what have I done". I felt embarrassed b/c I made myself vulnerable on here. But then I talked to a friend today and she told me she was glad I put it on here b/c it made her feel like she knew me better. That really helped me.
Ashley, I know how much you loved Jimmy. Your family was so special to him.

The Ferrill's said...

Oh Tina...this is a beautiful tribute to your brother. I had no idea you had a brother who is in Heaven now. I love reading about him and about your fun memories together...remembering is a GOOD thing. Thank you so much for sharing your heart!
Love you!

Can you see me now? said...

Hi Tina,
The little time that I knew your brother, I always thought he was funny and a kind person. People couldn't get away with being mean to someone in front of him. I have always loved your family and the kindness you show towards others.

Lacie-n-Kadensmom said...

I laughed.....I cried...and cried some more...Jimmy was AWESOME! I can think of so many different things about him... I can't believe he's been gone 9 years. You are right...."to know him was to love him" I remember one of the last times he was down to hang out with Jeff. Me and Dana and Billie were riding around with him and Jeff and he started talking about "when I die you guys better not cry at my funeral" I was like "yea right Jimmy you are retarded if you believe that" (not humanly possible) Tears still come...nine years later. Anyways, I could ramble on...but I won't... I miss that "Bonehead" BTW.. that's awesome that you slapped a 16yo for making fun of Jimmy! love you Tina

Lacie-n-Kadensmom said...

Hey this is Jeff he was the bestest friend I ever had. I do things that I done with him and I see him doing it by himself b/c he would not let you help him. I remeber picking him up at your house in windsong and putting his wheelchair in the back seat it would barly fit. I miss that bonehead everyday. And I still can not chew big red to this day. He was my brother too. Thanks for posting this he was great. And it is his turn to buy the drink. Ask me if you dont know what that means.

Tina said...

Oh Jeff..what do you say. NOw I am crying all over again. Hard to believe we can still miss him so much. You were so good to him and he treasured your friendship so much. You just let him be himself, he was so comfortable w/ you. I always felt so glad when you would come pick him up and hang out w/ him even when it wasn't convenient and you had to take the "bullet" with you just in case :). Thanks for loving him so much. That bonehead doesn't even miss us...he is up there hanging out in heaven and probably playing basketball and riding roller coasters!

Molly he still has in his room every letter you ever sent him. I remember going through his stuff and reading letters you had sent him(I think Billie did too). He kept those letter w/ all his "stuff" he was never gonna get rid. They are still in the the chifferobe in his room. You never know how much a small act might seem like a big act to someone in need.

Tina said...

Oh Jeff..what do you say. NOw I am crying all over again. Hard to believe we can still miss him so much. You were so good to him and he treasured your friendship so much. You just let him be himself, he was so comfortable w/ you. I always felt so glad when you would come pick him up and hang out w/ him even when it wasn't convenient and you had to take the "bullet" with you just in case :). Thanks for loving him so much. That bonehead doesn't even miss us...he is up there hanging out in heaven and probably playing basketball and riding roller coasters!

Molly he still has in his room every letter you ever sent him. I remember going through his stuff and reading letters you had sent him(I think Billie did too). He kept those letter w/ all his "stuff" he was never gonna get rid. They are still in the the chifferobe in his room. You never know how much a small act might seem like a big act to someone in need.

Amberlin Dawn said...

Wow...such precious comments. I can't help but cry. I really didn't know Jimmy. I was too young, but I do remember seeing him a few times at church. I remember he always had a smile on his face and you just couldn't help but like him the moment you saw him.
You're post was great Sis. Tina. You're love for him shows through. It sounds like you guys had a blast together!

Love you!
~Amberlin

Nonna Lisa said...

Tina, Ashley was telling me about this and I am just now getting to read it. My what memories of Jimmy that Harold & I have. When Ash told us we started remembering -
-babysitting our kids so we could go out
-running around the living room and knocking over the Christmas tree
-playing 'spoons' at the kitchen table with Jimmy and Mike Tidwell and one of 'em almost getting pushed through the glass doors trying to grab a spoon from the other one
-him working with Harold - spraying bugs at the hospitals -
oh and I could go on.
We were in Tennessee to see him the week before he died. When we walked into his room your mom said, "Jimmy, look who's here" and he opened his eyes and said "Bonehead". Harold stayed with him that night and for the first time in over a week or two and he and Harold had some escapades Harold will have to tell you about. He was a wonderful friend and babysitter (lol). He was special to lots of people and has now received his reward.

May God continue to comfort all your family - cause sometimes it just never gets easy, God just carries it for us.

Love you girl!!!! :)
Lisa Haynes

Laura said...

Awesome post Tina, it was really from deep inside your heart, and was probly hard to do, but not only did it help you to "talk" about it , I agree with the friend that said it helped her know you better. I did not know Jimmy well either but knowing how much he was loved by you and how much you have talked about him makes you feel like you wish you could go back in time and know him better. At least he is no longer in pain and is livin it up in a better place.
you "sis" Laura

Anonymous said...

Tina, We loved Jimmy too! We'd go up to visit when Jimmy had gotten bedridden and Clay would spend all day in his room with him and Buttons, watching cartoons. Clay loved it, an older guy to hang out with. One time, we were sitting downstairs and Jimmy yelled down to us that he felt the need to pray for Bro Cole, and your Mom yelled back "so go ahead and pray!" It was so funny. No matter what, Jimmy always seemed happy and cheerful, never down about his problems, and how many of us would react that way? I'd moan and groan and whine, but not Jimmy. That's a testimony that many won't forget. You should be proud to be his sister and that he was such an important part of your life. And, you will spend all the time with him that you want one day...What a great God we have that lets us have hope and joy after we lose a loved one, to know we'll see them again one day!!Not only see them, but to know that they are happy, healthy and whole. I'm sure Clay will have a grilled cheese sandwich with him! 8-) Sis Karen